Letter #8

 Great and Guilty is back. I guess?

    Just because the horizon scaper idea didn't turn out to be so fruitful. That's okay though? I didn't feel any type of crazy attachment to the concept at any point so I guess it was just scrapped. Can't believe my last update was in February though. So many things have changed over the last year that it's really hard to even fathom what type of life I've been living after and not forgetting to mention, before. How I was living like that in a weird way even bothers me a little. I guess my mindset has changed over this past year but I can't say that I've never been more happy in my life. It's been a grind, but a good grind. I have so many things to look forward to everyday and the purpose in everywhere I go and everything I do is so on point. Friday through Wednesday is such a grind but it's all made so incredibly worth it just because my Thursdays are usually so insanely fulfilling. Me and Caitlyn just recently celebrated our 1 year. It's so weird because the calmness that we both have in ourselves is so fucking insanely reassuring. I think I've improved so much within myself that I'm shocked with the things I think lately. How did I never see any of this coming? And how could I? I'm so thankful and grateful that these things have happened because I feel like I've never been in this type of grind in a long time. A fulfilling grind too. Got the CRV too. Such a big step. To go wherever and whenever I want is insane. Switched gyms to give myself a new environment to grow in. It's just all crazy to me. I'm living in productive ecstasy is the best way to describe it. So many other things are becoming worries of the past as well. I'm proud to say that the past rarely crosses my mind these days. 

But alas, improvement is not all that it seems. I'm currently in the process of my best attempt of cutting. It's going well. I have a coach. He's guiding me and motivating me to do well and stay disciplined. He's a pro bodybuilder and honestly I think that one day I'll look better or as good as him. I know what is required of me to do well too. This loan I took out in February is also ending the payment on soon. Once that's over, I go into the new year with a fresh start and a new way to a healthy mindset. Not 1 thousand percent sure about the logistics of it but god I'm so busy and so productive and I'm happy.

I will say though that my mind has shifted into seeing the world a little bit more bleak. Maybe this is a result of me just being on social media way too much. But for the most part I've cut a big part of that out. Which is great. Deleting instagram periodically and only leaving time to post on it. It's progress. That's what I'm looking for. This spartanistic mindset is one day going to make me the happiest boy in the world because I fall in love with routine. At some point it becomes so easy to do what you want to do because of the atomic habits I love so much. There are a few voids in my life that I sometimes wish I could fill. I need to get into reading or something of the sort just because without it I feel like I have so much empty time to fill ever since deleting all of that. But wow. See? These are the problems I'm facing because I'm so productive... "What should I do with my free time?" Insane work from me. 

At some point as well I have to clear up how I'm going to take care of these vitamin deficiencies. I think the fish oil and D3 once a day is great but what about the other ones? What should I do and how should I fill that in? It's weird because I don't think I ever really thought about these things because my main mode of living was something like, "how will I not eat as much today?" lol. Crazy to me.