Foreword
Foreword
There is I, and I is me. I am Matthew, last name Fernando. I am Filipino, and only Filipino. This blog which will most likely be seen by no one is a literal trip inside my brain. I will be saying what I actually feel and what is my actual reality. This pre section is only a brief summary of my life. I will be telling my life in chronological order. But this is not always the case, as I will be putting different stories out at different times. Before we get into Chapter 1, I will tell you a brief summary about my life thus far.
June 16, 2003. I was born on this day. It is also the day Tupac was born. We live similar paths, but he is much more smarter and inspirational than me. I am smart, I know I am. My genetics point me to be very smart. That is, at least on my father's side. The Fernando's. We are a very complicated family, we preach things that would make us seem insane to other families. We believe in God, we believe in Jesus, we believe in Flat Earth. We also believe that the government is evil. We have values, we have tremendous pressure to succeed. My older brother, Michael Justin Fernando, is having a hard time with this, he attends Mt.SAC junior college and is "living the dream" he is aiming to become a nurse. Me and Michael have different mentalities. Now, I'm going to get this straight. I HATE BEING CALLED DUMB. It makes me tremendously mad. Call it a superiority complex, and it probably is, but I want to be the best at everything. I am ultra competitive (note: in things i want to be competitive in. I am actually very creative (or so I think) but alot of the time I just don't have the resources to put it in action. I AM VERY VERY VERY VERY LAZY. If I put effort into things I do I would become Einstein. I AM ALSO VERY VERY VERY IRRESPONSIBLE. I admit this part, I'm very irresponsible. I am constantly trying to fix this problem, but it's difficult because of the terrible habits I have accumulated over the years. But yes, my Fernando side genetics are very good, very athletic, incredibly smart. But my Tagayuna side is another story, my mom is smart (not as smart as my dad), and she is very emotional. When I think of genetics, I look at both of my grandfathers. My Lolo is smart and was very athletic, but my grandfather (Guillermo) is a mess, he was an alcoholic, at the age of 14 he was a certified gang member, most of his friends are dead, he acquired cancer, fought it and now has to walk with a bag on his belly because of his colon cancer, he's a pervert, and etc... I know genetics determines your personality. I believe my laziness and perverted traits come from him. I love him to the moon and back, and without him I would have never come about, but I understand that he was my weakness.
Now let's get a general summary of my school life until 8th grade. Now 1st-5th grade, elementary school, I don't remember much, all I remember is that I was too loud, too disgusting, and too stupid. I was the school troublemaker, I know people hated me, it was the prime reason I don't have many friends from vejar before, and i wouldnt have any for the next couple of year. I was a ring leader, I was trying to replicate ideas that came from my twisted 5th grade mind into real life. It was obvious that they wouldnt work but to me, if they worked, everyone would love me. haha some kind of twisted logic i had ahaha. Then middle school rolled around, I was better behavior wise, but I didn't have any idea that I wasn't supposed to cuss every second. I still struggle with this today, but it isnt as bad. 6th grade was around the time i was introduced to anime, and i watched comedy romances and school shows, i tried to replicate certain things from it, but to no avail. In 6th grade, I also get into my first relationship, Annika Le. I didn't appreciate her, and I played with her too much, I got into a bad situation, and I fucked up our relationship, I got back with her in 7th grade, I fucked up everything by going back to rebecca, again, i fucked everything up with my lack of appreciation for her. My friends around this time were ryan lee, chris phillips, lauren cao, jianhao cui etc. Rice Republic was the group I was apart of, they were a bunch of unathletic gamer nerds that basically had no emotions, and they hated me, i cant blame them, because i was a straight up liar to everyone, and everyone knew it. at the end of my 7th grade year, there came another chance, Lixing Huang. She was beautiful in my eyes and she was exactly my type of gf i wanted. But then again, the Rice Republic said, "break up with her, or i'll never be friends again." i didnt wanna break up with her, i really didnt.. but my twisted logic came again and thought "if she breaks up with me, theyll be right, and i'll have no friends, and being friendless in 8th grade was not something i wanted.. so i mustered up my shit, and broke up with her. These 2 middle school relationships still haunt me to this day, but you thought it was over??? theres 8th grade, where i think it was my worst and best year, I didnt talk to ryan because he defended makayla. we never talked. the rice republic fucked me over, spreaded nasty rumors, everyone in general didnt like me. but in the middle of all that noise, my best friends showed. and people like elle, jasper, jeremy, annie guo, justin wang, matthew jiang, and lauren cao stepped up and acted like angels saying "matthew ignore them, focus on becoming the best you." i think i cried to myself to sleep a couple times in 8th, i dont know, i just had so much stress, but now i guess i feel even more appreciation for them now. so yeah thats my school life to 8th grade.
Out of the 3 aspects of my life i care about, baseball is one of them. without this stress reliever/ stress maker i wouldnt be anyone special. i played with the destroyers for a couple of years, and my talent skyrocketed.. I became a superstar, i played on a scout team and i dominated as one of the best players in the SGV. while on the destroyers i met my mentor, Jeff Walters, he gave me the chance to play varisty, (which im in the process of proving myself that I could play.) thats basically it for baseball.
in conclusion, im fucked up, im washed up, and i still have a long way to go in life, you and me together will pull through this. if anyone is going through troubles please save this page, because we can get through this shit together. i'll see you in my dreams <3 thank you for reading.
June 16, 2003. I was born on this day. It is also the day Tupac was born. We live similar paths, but he is much more smarter and inspirational than me. I am smart, I know I am. My genetics point me to be very smart. That is, at least on my father's side. The Fernando's. We are a very complicated family, we preach things that would make us seem insane to other families. We believe in God, we believe in Jesus, we believe in Flat Earth. We also believe that the government is evil. We have values, we have tremendous pressure to succeed. My older brother, Michael Justin Fernando, is having a hard time with this, he attends Mt.SAC junior college and is "living the dream" he is aiming to become a nurse. Me and Michael have different mentalities. Now, I'm going to get this straight. I HATE BEING CALLED DUMB. It makes me tremendously mad. Call it a superiority complex, and it probably is, but I want to be the best at everything. I am ultra competitive (note: in things i want to be competitive in. I am actually very creative (or so I think) but alot of the time I just don't have the resources to put it in action. I AM VERY VERY VERY VERY LAZY. If I put effort into things I do I would become Einstein. I AM ALSO VERY VERY VERY IRRESPONSIBLE. I admit this part, I'm very irresponsible. I am constantly trying to fix this problem, but it's difficult because of the terrible habits I have accumulated over the years. But yes, my Fernando side genetics are very good, very athletic, incredibly smart. But my Tagayuna side is another story, my mom is smart (not as smart as my dad), and she is very emotional. When I think of genetics, I look at both of my grandfathers. My Lolo is smart and was very athletic, but my grandfather (Guillermo) is a mess, he was an alcoholic, at the age of 14 he was a certified gang member, most of his friends are dead, he acquired cancer, fought it and now has to walk with a bag on his belly because of his colon cancer, he's a pervert, and etc... I know genetics determines your personality. I believe my laziness and perverted traits come from him. I love him to the moon and back, and without him I would have never come about, but I understand that he was my weakness.
Now let's get a general summary of my school life until 8th grade. Now 1st-5th grade, elementary school, I don't remember much, all I remember is that I was too loud, too disgusting, and too stupid. I was the school troublemaker, I know people hated me, it was the prime reason I don't have many friends from vejar before, and i wouldnt have any for the next couple of year. I was a ring leader, I was trying to replicate ideas that came from my twisted 5th grade mind into real life. It was obvious that they wouldnt work but to me, if they worked, everyone would love me. haha some kind of twisted logic i had ahaha. Then middle school rolled around, I was better behavior wise, but I didn't have any idea that I wasn't supposed to cuss every second. I still struggle with this today, but it isnt as bad. 6th grade was around the time i was introduced to anime, and i watched comedy romances and school shows, i tried to replicate certain things from it, but to no avail. In 6th grade, I also get into my first relationship, Annika Le. I didn't appreciate her, and I played with her too much, I got into a bad situation, and I fucked up our relationship, I got back with her in 7th grade, I fucked up everything by going back to rebecca, again, i fucked everything up with my lack of appreciation for her. My friends around this time were ryan lee, chris phillips, lauren cao, jianhao cui etc. Rice Republic was the group I was apart of, they were a bunch of unathletic gamer nerds that basically had no emotions, and they hated me, i cant blame them, because i was a straight up liar to everyone, and everyone knew it. at the end of my 7th grade year, there came another chance, Lixing Huang. She was beautiful in my eyes and she was exactly my type of gf i wanted. But then again, the Rice Republic said, "break up with her, or i'll never be friends again." i didnt wanna break up with her, i really didnt.. but my twisted logic came again and thought "if she breaks up with me, theyll be right, and i'll have no friends, and being friendless in 8th grade was not something i wanted.. so i mustered up my shit, and broke up with her. These 2 middle school relationships still haunt me to this day, but you thought it was over??? theres 8th grade, where i think it was my worst and best year, I didnt talk to ryan because he defended makayla. we never talked. the rice republic fucked me over, spreaded nasty rumors, everyone in general didnt like me. but in the middle of all that noise, my best friends showed. and people like elle, jasper, jeremy, annie guo, justin wang, matthew jiang, and lauren cao stepped up and acted like angels saying "matthew ignore them, focus on becoming the best you." i think i cried to myself to sleep a couple times in 8th, i dont know, i just had so much stress, but now i guess i feel even more appreciation for them now. so yeah thats my school life to 8th grade.
Out of the 3 aspects of my life i care about, baseball is one of them. without this stress reliever/ stress maker i wouldnt be anyone special. i played with the destroyers for a couple of years, and my talent skyrocketed.. I became a superstar, i played on a scout team and i dominated as one of the best players in the SGV. while on the destroyers i met my mentor, Jeff Walters, he gave me the chance to play varisty, (which im in the process of proving myself that I could play.) thats basically it for baseball.
in conclusion, im fucked up, im washed up, and i still have a long way to go in life, you and me together will pull through this. if anyone is going through troubles please save this page, because we can get through this shit together. i'll see you in my dreams <3 thank you for reading.
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